13 Dark Humor Jokes About Sex

Some will say sex is better in the dark. Mostly because a lot of freaky stuff looks even freakier in the light. (Also, you may want to get that checked out.) But no matter how you make love or make fuck, you have to laugh at certain things that take place during the act. Sometimes laughter makes the connection with your partner even better. While other times, the things you laugh at can lead to regrets. Unless you’re a comedian — then it turns into material.

Click right here to get the best of Cracked sent to your inbox.

Below are dark humor jokes about all sorts of shenanigans that occur when your clothes are on the floor and your inhibitions are left at the (bedroom) door...

"Have you ever had sober sex with someone for the first time? I don't think it's possible."

"Middle-age women, please stop trying to compete with young girls; you’re not going to win. They can do shit we can't do y’all. Like suck dick in the car while it's still moving. If I did that shit, my vertigo would have gone fuck up, and I’d throw up on that dick."

Hiring high-class sex workers requires some negotiation. Odd, odd negotiation.

"I love fingering; it's not just for kids. It's like sugar cereal; adults can enjoy it, too."

Wendell is really addicted to sex, y’all. I mean, for real.

"I found my dad's porn in the back of the attic. That was a great day. But the worst day of my life was when I found my mom's porn — in the back of the video store."

This is just disturbing and a turnoff, which I guess is Sex Ed's point. Who's to say?

"I got some pretty bad news today from my gynecologist, who told me I got herpes from my vibrator. That's the last time I’ll buy anything from eBay."

"I was about 12 years old when I first accidentally masturbated. ‘Cause I was just cleaning it, and it went off."

Being the world's best sex-crime detective is a curse, I tell you! An arousing curse!

"The definition of pornography is quite simple: Erotic is using a feather; pornography is using the entire chicken."